What the code covers
The student code of conduct governs behavior on campus and, in defined situations, off campus and online when it affects the university community. Non-academic misconduct includes physical harm and threats, harassment, property damage and theft, alcohol and drug violations, disruptive behavior, misuse of university systems, providing false information, failure to comply with an official, hazing, and weapons possession. Academic misconduct — cheating, plagiarism, unauthorized collaboration, fabrication, sabotage — is usually handled first by the instructor under the academic-integrity process, with the conduct office involved for serious or repeat cases. Sexual and gender-based misconduct runs through the separate Title IX process. The code is published in full with definitions and the range of outcomes for each category.
What happens after a report
A report (from anyone — staff, a student, Campus Safety) goes to the Dean of Students office, which decides whether it plausibly describes a violation. If so, you get written notice naming the alleged conduct and the section of the code, and an invitation to a meeting with a conduct officer. At that meeting you hear the information, tell your side, and either resolve it by agreement (you accept responsibility and an outcome) or proceed to a hearing before a trained panel or officer who decides by "preponderance of the evidence" — more likely than not. Most cases resolve at the meeting. Interim measures (a no-contact order, a housing move, a temporary suspension for a genuine safety risk) can be put in place before anything is decided, and are not themselves a finding.
Your rights
You are entitled to written notice with enough time to prepare, access to the information being considered, the chance to respond and to identify witnesses and evidence, an advisor of your choice (including an attorney at your own expense) present with you, a decision-maker who is not the person who reported or investigated, a written outcome with reasons, and an appeal on specific grounds — a procedural error that affected the result, new information that was not reasonably available, or a sanction grossly out of proportion. You are not required to answer questions, and silence is not treated as an admission. Retaliation against anyone for reporting or participating is itself a violation.
Sanctions and restorative options
Outcomes are meant to be proportionate and educational: a warning, probation, required education or counseling assessment, restitution, loss of privileges, residence-hall relocation or removal, and — for serious or repeated conduct — suspension or expulsion, which are noted on the transcript. A first minor alcohol violation looks nothing like an assault case. Where everyone affected agrees and it fits, a restorative process — a facilitated conversation focused on accountability, repair, and what the person will do differently — can substitute for or accompany the standard track. Completing your assigned outcomes closes the case; not completing them is a new violation.
Questions?
See the full staff & office directory for any phone number or email. Because this is a fictional parody site, addresses and phone numbers are illustrative and do not reach a real university.