
Before you arrive
Book a move-in time slot in the housing portal when it opens in July — early-morning slots go first and are the coolest and least crowded. Message your roommate through the portal and split the shared items (one fridge, one rug, one TV) so you are not doubling up in 120 square feet. Read the provided-vs-prohibited list: beds, desks, dressers, and wardrobes are already there; candles, halogen lamps, extension cords without a surge strip, and anything with an open coil are not. Label boxes by where they go, not what is in them, and bring your own hand cart if you have one — the shared ones are all in use on the hour.
Ship-ahead is allowed within a date window; boxes are held at the mail center for pickup, not delivered to your room.
Move-in day
Follow the signed traffic route to your hall's unloading zone, where student crews help you unload fast into a bin or onto the curb; then a driver moves the car to long-term parking while the rest of your group carries up. Unloading zones are timed (about 20 minutes) so the line keeps moving. Check in at the front desk for your key or card credential and your room condition report — walk the room and photograph every existing scratch, stain, and dent before you unpack, because that report is what you are measured against in May. Elevators are reserved for accessibility needs and upper floors on a rotation; expect stairs.
Your resident assistant will find you that evening; the first floor meeting within a day or two is required and covers keys, safety, and the community agreement.
Breaks
The halls stay open and staffed through fall and spring break at no extra cost — you can leave or stay. They close over winter break (from a day or two after fall finals until the day before spring classes); everyone must be out, and a paid break-housing option covers students who cannot leave, including most international students and athletes in season. Turn off and unplug everything, take valuables, medication, and your passport, and empty perishable food before a closure.
Move-out and closing
You get written checkout instructions two weeks before spring closing and before you leave for good if you move out mid-year. To avoid charges: remove everything, bag and bin the trash in the hall dumpsters (not the hallway), wipe down and vacuum, leave the university furniture assembled and where you found it, close the windows, and return the key or deactivate as instructed. An express checkout envelope is fine if you agree with the condition report; request an in-person checkout with your RA if you want to contest anything. Graduating students get an extra day or two past the general deadline.
Questions?
See the full staff & office directory for any phone number or email. Because this is a fictional parody site, addresses and phone numbers are illustrative and do not reach a real university.