The 8 residence halls
Founders Hall (North) (1928, renovated 2018): 420 beds, suites (2 double rooms + shared bath), first-year focus, houses Engineering LLC and Honors LLC. Riverfront Hall (2021, LEED Gold): 380 beds, pods (4 singles + shared bath + kitchenette), upper-class priority, river views, Sustainability LLC. Millrace Hall (1965, renovated 2019): 320 beds, corridor-style doubles, 24-hr lounge, Arts & Humanities LLC. Cedar Hall (1972): 280 beds, suites, quiet floors (2300 hrs quiet policy), Grad/Transfer LLC (mixed undergrad/grad). Bluff Hall (1988): 260 beds, apartments (4 singles + full kitchen + living), junior/senior priority, Entrepreneurship LLC. Depot Hall (2005): 220 beds, pods, attached to Welcome Center/Depot District, Global Perspectives LLC (intl + domestic mix). Pine Hall (1954, renovated 2020): 180 beds, doubles, Wellness LLC (substance-free, fitness/yoga focus). Oak Hall (1999): 140 beds, singles, Leadership & Service LLC (Student Gov, RA pipeline). Total: 2,200 beds (95% occupancy target).
Living-learning communities (LLCs)
12 LLCs, each with a Faculty Director (0.25 FTE), Peer Mentors (2–3 upper-class students, paid), and a dedicated lounge/classroom in the hall. Engineering LLC (Founders): ME/EE/CE/CS cohort, shared ME 2100 lab section, industry dinners. Honors LLC (Founders): Honors College students, seminar-style FYE, research matchmaking. Sustainability LLC (Riverfront): EnvSci, EnvE, Ag students, farm workdays, climate policy speakers. Arts & Humanities LLC (Millrace): studio access, visiting artists, portfolio reviews. Entrepreneurship LLC (Bluff): Incubator pipeline, founder dinners, pitch practice. Global Perspectives LLC (Depot): 50% international, cultural exchange programming, language tables. Wellness LLC (Pine): substance-free contract, weekly yoga, nutrition workshops, sleep hygiene. Leadership & Service LLC (Oak): Student Government pipeline, service-learning coordination. STEM Scholars LLC (Founders, 2nd floor): Opportunity Grant recipients, cohort advising, research early-access. First-Gen LLC (Cedar): first-generation students, navigation workshops, faculty mentors. Transfer LLC (Cedar): transfer students, credit-mapping support, social integration. Graduate/Professional LLC (Cedar, 3rd floor): master’s + PhD, quiet policy, writing accountability groups.
RA program and staff
60 Resident Assistants (1 per 35 residents): selected spring (application, group interview, individual interview, reference check), 2-week August training (Title IX, Clery, mental health first aid, conflict mediation, community building, fire safety, behind-closed-doors), 10 hrs/week duty (rounds, programs, on-call), compensation: free double room + $2,500/semester stipend + meal plan. Senior RAs (6): mentor RAs, handle complex incidents, liaise with professional staff. Professional staff: 4 Resident Directors (full-time, master’s+, live-in), 1 Associate Director of Residence Life, 1 Director of Housing & Residence Life. On-call rotation: 1 RA + 1 RD on call nightly (6 p.m.–8 a.m.), Campus Safety backup. Programming model: 3 programs/RA/semester (1 educational, 1 social, 1 community-building) + hall-wide events (welcome week, finals care packages, hall formal).
Dining and amenities
Dining: All on-campus residents required to have a meal plan. Unlimited ($2,450/sem): unlimited swipes at Founders Dining Hall (all-you-care-to-eat, 7 stations: grill, salad, global, comfort, vegan, bakery, late-night), 5 guest swipes, $100 dining dollars. Block 180 ($2,100/sem): 180 swipes, $200 dining dollars. Block 120 ($1,750/sem): 120 swipes, $300 dining dollars (upper-class only). Founders Dining Hall (Founders Hall basement, 7 a.m.–10 p.m., Fri–Sat late night till midnight): sources 35% from Founders Farm, reusable container program (green clamshells). Amenities per hall: Laundry (free, app alerts), kitchen (full or kitchenette), study lounges (whiteboards, monitors), game room (ping-pong, pool, Switch), bike storage (indoor, rack + repair stand), package lockers (Amazon Hub + campus mail). Wi-Fi: Eduroam + UWP-Res (dedicated SSID, 500 Mbps per room).
First-year requirement and exemptions
Policy: All first-year students (freshmen) must live on campus for their first two semesters (fall + spring). Exemptions (automatic): Age 21+ by move-in, married/domestic partner, dependent children, veteran (2+ years active duty), commuting from parent/guardian home within 35 miles (verified by address), medical/disability accommodation (via Accessibility Services). Appeal process: Written request to Director of Housing (deadline: July 1 for fall, Dec 1 for spring) → committee review (Director, Dean of Students, Accessibility Services) → decision within 10 business days. Transfer students: Not required but guaranteed housing if applied by May 1 (priority: Transfer LLC in Cedar Hall). Gap year/deferral: Housing deposit holds spot for 1 year.
Room selection and costs
Room selection (returning students): March (rising seniors), April (rising juniors), May (rising sophomores) — lottery numbers by credits earned + GPA tiebreaker. First-years: Housing application opens Oct 1 (priority deadline Feb 1); preferences: hall, room type, LLC, roommate (mutual request or questionnaire match). 2025–26 rates (per semester): Double (corridor) $3,200, Double (suite) $3,450, Single (suite) $3,800, Apartment (4-person) $4,100, Pod (4-person) $3,600. Meal plan required (see above). Deposits: $200 housing deposit (refundable minus damages), due with application. Financial aid: Room & board included in COA; Porter Cares emergency grants cover deposit/housing gaps. Summer housing: Riverfront Hall & Bluff Hall open (conference groups + students with local internships), $1,200/summer (includes meal plan).
Fictional information
UW–Porter Falls is a work of parody. The residence halls, LLCs, policies, and costs described here are invented for this fictional university. No real housing programs are depicted.