Why it exists and what is in it
The Annual Security and Fire Safety Report is published every year by October 1 under the federal Clery Act, and every enrolled student and employee is notified of how to access it. It compiles three calendar years of statistics for specific crime categories — criminal homicide, sexual assault, robbery, aggravated assault, burglary, motor vehicle theft, arson, domestic and dating violence, stalking, and hate crimes — broken out by where they occurred (on-campus, residence halls, non-campus university property, adjacent public property). Alongside the numbers it lays out the university's policies and procedures: how to report a crime, emergency notification and timely-warning practices, the response to sexual and gender-based misconduct, alcohol and drug policy, and prevention and awareness programming.
Reading the statistics without being misled
Clery numbers are widely misread in both directions. A higher count is not automatically a more dangerous campus — it often reflects a community that reports more, counts carefully, and includes incidents disclosed to victim advocates and residence-life staff, not just police reports. A very low number can mean underreporting. The categories are narrow and defined by federal rules, so the report is not a complete picture of everything that happens on campus; the daily crime log fills in more. Compare a campus to its own trend over the three years and to genuinely similar institutions, read the definitions, and treat a zero with the same skepticism as a spike.
Fire safety and getting a copy
The fire-safety half covers each residence hall: the fire-protection systems (alarms, sprinklers, detection), the number of fire drills held, rules on prohibited items (candles, halogen lamps, extension cords, smoking), evacuation procedures, and a three-year log of reported fires with cause, injuries, and damage. The full report is posted on the Campus Safety site year-round; a paper copy in accessible formats is available free on request from the Campus Safety business office. Prospective students and employees can request it before applying.
Questions?
See the full staff & office directory for any phone number or email. Because this is a fictional parody site, addresses and phone numbers are illustrative and do not reach a real university.