Who lives here
Birchwood Suites houses about 150 students, primarily upper-class students. Room type: Four-person suites with two shared bathrooms and a common living area.
Rooms and rates
Rates are set by room type each year and published with the housing contract; Birchwood Suites's room type (four-person suites with two shared bathrooms and a common living area) generally falls in the middle of the campus rate range — suites and apartments cost more than traditional doubles, and a private single, where available, costs more still. A housing deposit and signed contract hold your assignment; cancellation deadlines and any penalty are on the contract, not this page.
Amenities and dining
- Full kitchen in every suite
- A quiet-study floor with enforced 24-hour quiet hours
- Covered bike parking
- A shared fire pit area
Dining: A full kitchen in every suite; no meal plan required.
Community life
The designated quiet-living option among the suite-style halls, popular with juniors and seniors balancing heavy course loads or research. A live-in resident assistant on each floor runs regular programming and is the first point of contact for a roommate conflict, a maintenance issue, or a student who seems to be struggling.
How to get a room here
Selected through the spring room-selection lottery by class-standing priority. Specific hall and room requests are not guaranteed — they are filled in priority order as space allows — but most students who request Birchwood Suites early get it. Roommate matching (by questionnaire or a requested specific roommate) happens before assignments go out.
Common questions
Can I switch halls after move-in? A room-change period opens a few weeks into the fall term once initial vacancies are known; requests before then are handled case by case, mostly for documented conflicts or accommodations.
Is there an accommodation process for a medical or disability need? Yes — work with Accessibility Services and Housing well before the room-selection deadline; accommodated placements are handled outside the general lottery.
What happens over breaks? Most halls close during winter break; students who need to stay can apply for break housing, usually consolidated into one or two halls to save on staffing and heating.
Fictional information
UW–Porter Falls is a work of parody. Birchwood Suites, its capacity, amenities, and every rate and policy on this page are invented; nothing here describes a real building or a room you can actually reserve.