The program
Ironclad men's track & field competes in NCAA Division III as a member program of the athletics department. The season runs roughly December–May (indoor & outdoor). There are no athletic scholarships; every roster member is admitted and receives financial aid exactly as any other student, and eligibility rules are written around finishing the degree on time.
Last season
The team scored in eleven events at the outdoor conference championship and finished fourth, with a school record in the pole vault and a sprinter who qualified for regionals in the 200 meters.
Coaching
The head coach is a staff of three led by the distance coach, with event specialists for throws and jumps. Assistant coaches, an athletic trainer assigned to the program, and a strength coach round out the staff, and every athlete is assigned an academic advisor in athletics who coordinates with their major department.
Home venue and how to attend
Home events are at Millwright Stadium. Current UW–Porter Falls students enter regular-season home events free with a Porter Card. Single-game and season tickets for the public, along with accessible-seating and parking information, are listed by event on the athletics site. A recent highlight: a 4x400 relay of four engineering majors that ran the fastest time in program history at the final meet of the year.
Roster snapshot
The roster is roughly about 40 athletes combined across sprints, distance, jumps, and throws, many of them dual sport with cross country. Practices are split morning and afternoon around lab schedules. Rosters, schedules, and results for the current season are posted on the athletics site and updated after each event.
Division III, and why it shows here
Practice and travel are scheduled around required labs, studios, and clinical rotations, not the other way around — a wrestler with an evening chemistry lab or a nursing player with a hospital rotation is accommodated, not benched. Missed class time for travel is minimized by the move to a nearer conference beginning in 2027–28, and the program's graduation and academic-progress rates are published alongside its win–loss record.
Fictional information
UW–Porter Falls is a work of parody. Every team, coach, result, statistic and roster detail on this page is invented; nothing here describes a real athletic program.