Personnel and operations
Campus Safety Department (Founders Hall 105, 24/7/365): 14 sworn officers (Wesconsin Law Enforcement Standards Board certified, arrest authority on campus + adjacent city streets), 4 dispatchers (EMD certified, 911 transfer capability), 1 director (former state police captain), 1 emergency manager (CEM, runs exercises + continuity planning). Jurisdiction: All university property + 500 ft buffer (city MOU). Policies: Community-policing model (foot/bike patrol > cruiser), de-escalation first, body cameras (30-day retention), bias-free policing annual audit. Annual stats (2024): 2,100 calls for service, 85% service/assist (lockouts, jump-starts, escorts), 12% medical, 3% criminal (mostly theft from unlocked vehicles/dorms), 0 use-of-force incidents.
Safety Escort program
Student-run, staff-supervised: 30 Safety Escorts (paid, Tier 2 wages, 10 hrs/week each), trained in: situational awareness, verbal de-escalation, bystander intervention, first aid/CPR, radio protocol. Hours: Sun–Thu 6 p.m.–2 a.m., Fri–Sat 6 p.m.–3 a.m. (extended during finals). Request: Call/text 715-555-0188 (Campus Safety dispatch) or tap any blue-light phone — Escort meets you in 5–10 min, walks/rides with you to any campus destination or adjacent off-campus block. Volume: ~4,200 escorts/year; 78% are students walking alone at night, 15% are visitors, 7% are staff/faculty. Gear: High-vis vests, flashlights, radios, first-aid kits, weather-appropriate outerwear. Hiring: Apply via Handshake (fall/spring), 20-hr training academy, background check, 1-semester probation.
Blue lights, cameras, and dispatch
42 blue-light emergency phones (towers + wall-mounts): 28 on campus paths, 8 in parking lots, 6 at Rec Center/Forge/Makerspace. Activation: Press red button → instant 2-way audio to dispatch → location auto-identified → officer/escort dispatched. Cameras: 180 exterior (paths, lots, building entries), 40 interior (lobbies, Rec Center, Forge) — no cameras in residence hall rooms, restrooms, lactation rooms, prayer spaces. Retention: 30 days (auto-delete), extendable for active investigations. Dispatch center: 4 consoles, CAD (Computer-Aided Dispatch), GIS mapping, direct radio to Porter Falls PD, Wesconsin State Patrol, Valley Health EMS. 911 integration: Campus Safety answers campus 911 calls (transfer from county PSAP); EMD protocols for medical.
Emergency alerts and communication
Porter Alert (Rave Mobile Safety): SMS, email, push (app), desktop popup, digital signage takeover, PA override. Triggers: Active threat, tornado warning, building evacuation, campus closure, gas leak, credible bomb threat. Opt-out: Not allowed for safety-critical; marketing/opt-in lists separate. Testing: Monthly silent test (first Tuesday 10 a.m.), semester live test (announced). Parents/families: Opt-in at orientation or families.uwporterfalls.edu/alerts. Clery Act: Annual Security Report (Oct 1), daily crime log (public, 60-day retention), timely warnings for Clery crimes (ongoing threat). Anonymous reporting: silentwitness.uwporterfalls.edu (online form, text 715-555-0199) — goes to Director + Dean of Students, not dispatch.
Night transportation
Porter Loop Night Loop (Thu–Sat, 10 p.m.–2 a.m.): 2 buses, 20-min headway, route: Founders Hall → Depot District → Cedar Bluff strip → major off-campus complexes (Founders Row, Millrace Lofts, Bluffview Commons) → back to Founders Hall. Safe Ride Vouchers (from Porter Cares): $15 rideshare credit (Uber/Lyft), 5/semester per student, no questions asked — for when Night Loop doesn’t run or destination is outside route. Safety Escort + Shuttle combo: Escort walks you to Night Loop stop, meets you at drop-off, walks you to door. Designated Driver Punch Card: 5 DD rides to/from Depot District/Cedar Bluff = free non-alcoholic flight at Millrace Brewing or Founders Fermentation.
Preparedness and training
Annual exercises: Full-scale active threat (spring, with Porter Falls PD, Valley Health EMS, Wesconsin Emergency Management), tabletop cyber incident (fall, with IT), tornado shelter drill (March, statewide), building evacuation drills (each building, semester). Training for students: Active Threat Response (Run-Hide-Fight, 1 hr, required for first-years, open to all), Bystander Intervention (Green Dot, 2 hrs, monthly), CPR/AED/Stop the Bleed (4 hrs, free, certification), Personal Safety (situational awareness, verbal defense, 1 hr). Faculty/staff: Classroom Emergency Procedures (annual, 30 min), Threat Assessment Team referrals (behavioral intervention, not discipline). Continuity: Each department has a COOP (Continuity of Operations Plan) updated annually; critical functions (payroll, research animals, server rooms) have 72-hr resilience.
Fictional information
UW–Porter Falls is a work of parody. The safety department, programs, statistics, and procedures described here are invented for this fictional university. No real campus safety programs are depicted.