In an emergency
Call 911 for any situation that needs police, fire, or medical help now. Campus Safety dispatch is staffed 24 hours a day at (715) 555–0191 for non-emergencies and campus-specific help, and the blue-light emergency phones around campus connect to dispatch directly when you press the button. Save both numbers in your phone before you need them.
Porter Alert
The university’s emergency notification system sends urgent instructions — severe weather, a threat on campus, a closure — by text, email, and desktop notification. You are enrolled automatically with your Porter contact information; keep your mobile number current in MyPorter. Test messages go out each term so you know what a real one looks like. See emergency information for what to do during weather, fire, and security events, and weather & closures for how schedule changes are announced.
Getting around safely
Free services from Campus Safety: a walking safety escort anywhere on campus after dark, a late-night safe-ride shuttle within the campus area, vehicle jump-starts and lockout help, and lost and found. Program the dispatch number now so requesting an escort is one tap.
Prevention and education
Officers and staff provide building security assessments, active-threat (Run·Hide·Fight) training, personal-safety and theft-prevention workshops, property registration, and residence-hall safety education — request any of these for a class, floor, or organization. Related resources: Title IX and sexual-misconduct support, alcohol and other drugs and the medical-amnesty policy, and the Annual Security & Fire Safety Report with three years of crime statistics and campus policies.
Reporting a concern
Report a crime, a safety hazard, or a person you are worried about — by phone, online, or in person, and anonymously if you prefer. A report about a student in distress goes to a care team, not automatically to discipline. For a real emergency, always call 911 first; a report is not a substitute for it. The Ready.gov site has free personal and household emergency-preparedness guides.
Questions?
See the full staff & office directory for any phone number or email. Because this is a fictional parody site, addresses and phone numbers are illustrative and do not reach a real university.