Permits and zones
Parking is by permit, sold by semester or year through MyPorter, and your license plate is the permit — enforcement reads plates, so there is no hangtag to forget. Permits are zoned: Resident (your assigned lot), Commuter (the perimeter lots plus the Founders Ramp after 4 p.m.), Evening (valid after 4 p.m. anywhere), and a limited number of Core permits for the central lots by lottery. Parking outside your zone is the most common citation on campus. Daily and hourly visitor parking is in the Founders Ramp and at meters; the ParkPorter app handles short stays.
First-year residents are generally not eligible for a Core permit and are encouraged to leave the car at home — the Loop plus a bike covers almost everything.
The Porter Loop
The Loop is the fare-free campus shuttle. Two routes — Gold connects North Campus, the residence halls, the academic core, and downtown Porter Falls; Green runs the perimeter parking lots to the core — every 12–15 minutes on weekdays from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m., every 30 minutes on the reduced evening and Saturday schedule. Live vehicle locations are in the ParkPorter app and on the screens at each shelter.
The SafeRide evening service (6 p.m.–2 a.m.) is a request-based van anywhere within the campus boundary and two blocks beyond — book it in the app or call (715) 555–0143. It is a safety service, not a taxi, so waits vary on busy nights.
Bikes, walking and transit
Registered bikes park free at racks campus-wide; registration (free, in MyPorter) means a cut lock or an abandoned bike can be traced back to you. The Porter Falls municipal bus is fare-free with a Campus Card on all in-city routes, and the regional coach to Eau Claire and the Twin Cities stops at the Founders Union transit bay. A covered, card-access bike room is in the Founders Ramp for winter storage.
Campus is compact enough that the far corners are a 15-minute walk apart; the main paths are cleared and lit, and the accessible-route map flags the step-free options between buildings.
Winter, accessibility and visitors
From November 15 to April 1, overnight parking (2–6 a.m.) is banned in surface lots during a declared snow event so plows can clear them — alerts go to the same MyPorter channel as closures, and towed cars go to the Green Lot, not far. Accessible stalls require a valid state placard or plate plus any campus permit; the door-to-door paratransit shuttle books one business day ahead through the accessibility office.
Visitors and event guests get a parking code with their registration. Admissions tour guests park free in the visitor rows of the Founders Ramp.
Questions?
See the full staff & office directory for any phone number or email. Because this is a fictional parody site, addresses and phone numbers are illustrative and do not reach a real university.