Teams
UW–Porter Falls sponsors fourteen fictional NCAA Division III varsity programs. Each has its own page with last season, coaching, the home venue and a roster snapshot.
Student-athlete support
Academic advising, athletic training, strength and conditioning, nutrition and compliance services support performance and degree progress.
Attend a game
Students enter regular-season home events with a Porter Card. Public tickets and accessibility information are listed by event.
Division III, and it matters
There are no athletic scholarships at Porter; student-athletes are admitted and aided exactly like everyone else, and the eligibility rules are built around finishing the degree. Practice and travel are scheduled around required labs and clinicals, not the other way around.
Millrace Week
The October homecoming week — still called Millrace Week after the Porter Millwrights, the teams’ name before the 1994 vote — is built around the home football game, with the Foundry pour, the alumni 5K on the Riverfront Trail and the Ring of Iron ceremony for seniors.
In and around Porter Falls
The Ironclads compete in NCAA Division III as members of the Wesconsin Collegiate Athletic Conference, and home events are at the Ironhouse Athletic Center and the riverside fields off North Campus. The name is a 1994 student vote — the teams were the Porter Millwrights before that — and Millrace Week in October is still built around the homecoming football game.
The practical details
Division: NCAA Division III, Wesconsin Collegiate Athletic Conference. Sports: Fictional programs in nine sports. Student admission: Free to regular-season home events with a Porter Card. These specifics can shift from term to term, so confirm anything time-sensitive — a deadline, an appointment, an eligibility rule — before you count on it.
If you have a question
This is handled by Ironclad Athletics (Ironhouse Athletic Center). Call (715) 555-0195 or email athletics@uwporterfalls.edu during the fall and spring terms, or use MyPorter to send a message or book a time. If another office turns out to own the question, they will pass it along rather than send you back to the beginning.
Fictional information
UW–Porter Falls is a work of parody. Every office, person, building, phone number and statistic on this page is invented; nothing here describes a real institution or a service you can actually contact.